15 august

They do not stop, the stories.
Just when you’ve had time to return to your ordinary life, finish the dishes, get caught up on the laundry, have a glass of wine with a friend, feel selfish,
they come cascading down on your shoulders,
rending your heart,
teaching your lungs and your pumping muscles
things they may have always known
loss is coming
death is imminent
the ones you love will perish too.
And you bend over the sink,
sobbing into the dish water,
tasting the truth of love
you cannot keep bad things from happening
even if you
curl around your core
keep the world from your heart,
or smother the ones you love under your wings,
you cannot hold pain at bay.
and your heart becomes a weaker organ
your skin loses its thickness
becomes brittle
and so you open
and again
and again
making yourself stronger through surviving
bearing witness doesn’t have to break you down.

it feels that way at first, sure.
and you think about your Jewish ancestors
who tore their clothes in grief,
and you lean in to the power of ritual.
learn that if you allow the grief to tear you open
it will teach you things



Filed under basic goodness, cancer, death, fathoming, love, Nevada Test Site, Nuclear weapons, Ordinary, stories, unrepentantly unedited

3 responses to “15 august

  1. Morris Fox

    dear sarah: your latest blog led me to your “2012 dispatch from an OEW.” enjoyed it once more. have you ever thought about packaging a few of your musings for the general public? bet it would go to print faster than the “D” opus. an editor’s note: at one point you say “i putzed around cleaning the kitchen”. you could have said “i futzed around”. the other word denotes an unpleasant and not very nice fellow and stems from what is hidden in zipped up trousers. not to worry. who but your ancient old grandfather is still around to notice? give that little guy a big smooch for me. he’s a cutie. love to you and ryan. g’pop Date: Thu, 15 Aug 2013 21:49:59 +0000 To: liberal559@hotmail.com

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